okay.

I'm alive.

I'm hurt yea.

body,

elbows,

hands,

waist,

knees,

feet,

heart and soul.

I survived,

with disappointment.

Fine?

If I don't come back

Surviving in the jungle. Difficult thing to do? Not if you have motivation.

Not having motivation, nothing will go smooth.

5 days 4 nights. Whats there to think about.

Do what I can, think while I can.

Take care and love you guys.

Bye..

Smeone like you

Watched Ninja Assassin Yesterday. Was not so confident about the movie, if its gonna be good or not. But it turns out good. Too much blood but enough actions and storyline not bad.

Give it 8/10. Totally much better than Fantastic Mr. Fox.... haha...

2 more weeks to go, but it doesn't feel like it. I feel the missing space. I don't think I did my best. I don't think I took good care of myself enough. I don't think I can go on ahead as much.

But what am I suppose to do. Its been far too long since the last time. I know that It can't be undone. But can it be reborn.

I hope its gonna make you notice.

Had a good laugh.

But batteries not included.

I might get shot tomorrow.

So yea, pray that tonight is not a last chance.

Are we going to stay like this forever?

Ripping wings off a butterfly

When you take aim and you fire,

you blow the game of your desire.

When you run to your point,

You break a piece where strong joint.

When you take control of things,

You breach for when it rings.

When you fall in cry,

You Ripped the wings off a butterfly.

I feel like eating something I've not eaten for a long time. But don't know what it is.

I shall go out and look for it. I'm very hungry.

Yesterday was Halloween. A few friends planned to go town with a mask or something on and just walk around. But in the end canceled. I went there though and saw a few scary costumes. And some unlikely to appear in haunted places; fairies with colourful wings and lights around. I think they were advertising something.

Orchard Central is a freaking big maze!. You can really get lost in there. But the rooftop has a nice view of the whole town area. =D

Going back in about 6 hours time. A good 30 hours for free time and its not enjoyable. Maybe I was right the first time.

Anyway, I'd like to wish Kellie Chong a Happy 16th Brithday. Finally she can watch some NC16 movies. See you soon Kellie, if I'm still alive. =DD

The person who took this photo don't

know how to take photo! haha..

Off I go, again.

This is a part of live when you feel happy because your family is doing well now but you are not doing as well.

It's the part, again for me, where you help someone and you lose something again.

But its also when you learn something, again. just in a different way.

Confusion is always there.

Frustration is always there.

I'm not going around it, I'm going through it. But I've yet to reach. I'm scared.

I guess I should not give in cause I don't wanna be controlled, and you gotta learn that you can take control of everything.

I hope you are doing okay.

Why cry when I got the moon in the sky.

I feel like a Hero

Diana Ross - When you tell me that you love Me

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

Forgot about this song for so long, till I heard it when my friend was singing. A nice song. =D

I gotta rush now. Not with the situation. Never rush a situation. But with things. Not the "that" kind of things.

I gotta take it easy now. Take it easy with the feel. Confusion and uncertainty, don't know what to think. Could be angry and frustrated too. But all I can do now is Take it easy.

I might be confuse, cause its not what I thought would happen. But it was a happening that I wish would happen. But to be angry is out of the point. To be happy is weird but with some joy. And to be sad is a must never.

Smile for the camera that is installed in everyone. A camera that is so advance that it can not only take photos of you, but also your feelings and your thoughts and would last for quite some time if you make the cut. And it never fools anyone. So I'll smile and just smile. Till there is another "happening", I'll smile and take it in the positive way, cause I know it is a positive thing.

=)

I so tired.

And I'll be gone.

See you soon.

Hopefully.

=)

Safe Day Great

Can't believe my father was so eager to go for Hari Raya this year. He wore a nice traditional malay costume for the first time in years.

I can't even believe we went out for Hari Raya this year!

=DD

My cousin drove a lorry and we went around to relatives' houses. Not a lot but its was great.

I was a father for a day today. My cousin's daughter fell in love with me and kept sticking with me all the way. This year, a happy hari raya indeed. Though my grandparents are not around anymore, but their daughters and sons, well some of them, got close and stick together as a family.

Eating is a good way to get things off your mind. For awhile at least. I ate a lot today. Ate at almost every one's house. Except my sister's grandmother's place. That's the best place to eat cause I love her food. But there was a lot of people when we got there and we were rushing for time. So no chance to eat. =(

Eating is my job. Food is my friend. =)

I still get green packets from some! Amazing. Not a lot cause I'm not asking for any actually. Give me food and I'll be happy already. But my sister's the best. She gave green packets to all the kids even my elder cousin got a green packet, but when I came up to her she said "eh yours later I'll transfer to your account". haha =D

A great day indeed.

I'm making this blog lively. I making myself lively. I'm thinking myself to be lively. I am lively.

My second blog, its a group blog. A group of fine men with different backgrounds and different ways of everything. I love that blog. =D

I'm having mix feelings now. I should, I should not. and blah blah blah. I am partly angry, and so sad. I don't know now. I feel like I've been shot to the heart and died instantly. But I think another plate of my mother's ketupat will help me. =D

I am good,

I am pure kind.

I am in the mood,

I am sometimes blind.

I am all that I could,

I am with something in mind.

I am trying with what I should,

I am the victim of the entwined.

Selamat Hari Raya.

Stargazers in my head

There's a picture of a girl somewhere that fits this empty frame.

Beds your eyes girl, the other worldly

kudos to those who see though sickness..

She woke in the morning, she knew that her life has passed her by.

She called out a warning, don't even let life pass you by.

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy ending

Just run away with so much left to share.

Its just not enough when we're so much more than friends

we're much to young to throw away our cares.

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain.

Nothing to lose but everything to gain

reflecting now on how things could have been

it was NOT worth in the end

Time passes by direction unknown

you've loft us now but we're not alone

before you know it your cups over-flown

you measured no one that I've even known

And its quite alright, and goodbye for now

just look up to the stars and believe who you are

cause its quite alright

and so long goodbye

Slip inside the eye of your mind

don't you know you might find

a better place to be.

You said that you've never been

but all the things that you've seen

slowly fades away

so I start a revolution from my bed

cause you said the brains I had went to my head

step outside its summer time in bloom

step out beside the fireplace

take that look from off your face

you ain't never gonna burn my heart out

so sally can wait, she knows its too late as she's walking on by

her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, I heard you said

So here I am, doing everything I can

holding on to what I have pretending I'm a superman

Don't waste another minute step into the light

Come one a dance with me tonight.

Don't speak, seal your lips, please don't say a word

maybe I won't remember the words I never heard.

I see that you're in love

I know its not with me

but I don't want the truth to haunt my memory.

It's never too late to relight the fire

It never stop burning for me

The flame it never died inside of me

Wish i was to dead to cry

my self affliction fails.

stone to throw at my creator

massacre to which I catered.

you don't need to bother

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping further

But once I hold on, I won't let go till it bleeds.

I'm just randomly typing lyrics of songs I'm listening to

It freaking feels like crap when one mistake can leads to more problems.

its like a burning hot larva flowing down the mountain.

whatever it is, I'm trying to get through.

Its like you know that I went online but appear offline. Messages came exactly at the time I went online. And it goes on and on. Thank you but I really hate this. I don't want it to be this way. I really don't wanna lose a friend like you. You are saying goodbye like we would never meet again, or rather we might just that we will be strangers. I don't want this. I took time to be alone and I can't think of a solution. No matter how hard I thought about it.

I can call you every night, or at least text you every single night.

I will go online and check on you every single time I have the chance.

And if I come back home, the first person I will meet is you.

And I will spend all my free time with you. I am willing to.

I am really sorry.

This is going to be my last post maybe for the rest of the year, or longer. But I will be back, I promise you that. I can't leave a special friend of mine waiting for me for too long.(if she's waiting for me that is). I don't know but everywhere I go, things won't turn out right. But like someone told me before, if nothing goes right for you, go left. There might be something hidden for you there.

Sunset. might be the last time I'll be seeing this kind of sights. I hope when I see the next time, it'll be with a special friend.

It was covered by clouds and I thought the sun will not appear, but suddenly, it came out of a small hole in the middle of the clouds. A small little opening can show wonders. The angle and positions may not be right, but it can still be a wonderful thing. We are the wonderful things. We are the special things. We are the ones that spins the world with all the choices we make. We are the one. Got to admit, I cried. Crying even though I have ran out of tears. But for a special one, the tears won't stop flowing.

I hope you forgive me.

Good Bye.

I got 2 days left

I thought no one ever reads my blog. Only a few regular people. But it turns out my blog has a lot of readers. haha.. Thanks guys.

I'm having fever and flu and I'm coughing and my throat hurts. =( Can't sing for now. I won't sing for awhile.

And I feel a headache coming. =(

Help me please.

Don't wanna go to the doctor cause I hate them. haha

I'm sure I'll be fine soon. Have not been really sick for quite some time.

Give me along kiss goodnight

And everything will be alright

Tell me that I won't feel a thing

So give me Novocaine

Just another name in a book

Yesterday was a day I thought would be fun and enjoyable and unforgettable. But yesterday was a day that was dull and unhappy and forgettable. Didn't really enjoy myself from that morning till I reach home. Even left early, while the rest of the instructors were having fun taking photos and enjoying themselves.

Yesterday was the last day of NCC Senior Spec Course.

SSC was my last NCC camp. I won't be going for any other camps or training anymore. This is it. I'm letting go. I'm letting my hands off something I like to do and enjoy very much. But some times when you have to let go, you really have to. So here I am letting go. I'm quiting NCC.

Quiting doesn't mean you are weak. It means you are strong enough to let go.

I'll still remember the times I went through in NCC; the good, the bad, the fun, and the sad. And I'll remember all the faces of people who I've worked with, spent time with in HQ and remember the things they did. But there will will be things that I would like to forget. Things that are not good for the books of memories.

For now I'm gonna start doing something I longing to do. Something I've thought for quite some time. It might not be an enjoyable thing for some. Some might even avoid it. But I'm looking forward to it.

So goodbye my friends. (sounds like I'm going to die die like that) haha..

I'll still be around.. I'm not going anywhere. =D

A friend of mine, the best District Specialist of the best District, West District, ORD-ing soon!! In like 3 days time!! 3rd Sargent Riduwan!! I would like to wish you all the best in life. Get married, have children, many many. Don't forget to invite us. =D Take Care Salent Lidulan!! =D

A lot of people don't know what ORD stands for. Some CLTs anyhow used it. They thought when they leaving NCC means they ORD already. Stupid Or What? haha.. ORD means Operationally Ready Date. So NCC CLTs, don't anyhow use.

A hear full of words left unspoken

now that we're through

I'd sell my soul to have this silent broken

I thought she knew

I just realised something. When Anberlin played their first song at baybeats, the mic got a problem. And Wei Jun and I played out first song during teacher's day celebration, same thing, mic problem! hahaha...

=D

I Don't Need You Anymore

Its been a tiring week. Kinda busy but at the same time fun.

A lot of meetings, gathering, lepaking(lol).

I gotta plan things for Tanglin NCC! =(

Last Friday was the "Audition" for Teacher's Day Celebration and me and Wei Jun "got through".

Me and Wei Jun played acoustic. Was informed 2 days before the auditions, so prepared last minute. But turns out well. =D

Sunday I went to catch Anberlin at Baybeats. They got 3 slots, 3.45, 7 and 10.30. I went for the 3.45 one first cause I thought it's gonna be good. But ended up its just interview. haha.. But they did play an acoustic piece. They covered Creep by Radiohead. After that, I went home. Buke at home. Didn't catch the 7 o'clock acoustic set show of Anberlin cause go no one to go with. Then was online and Shol wanted to go out somewhere, so I asked him to go Baybeats with me! Took some time to convince him to come along. We ride there. Caught Jon Chan playing. Fell in love with the last song he played. But don't know what's the title, but one of the lines that was repeated a lot of times was "I don't need you anymore". I can really relate to that song. After that caught The Ambassador, a band from Philippines. At first we though its not a good band but turned out to be good. Say Raden there, a girl we just made friend. A mutual friend. We got together and catch ANBERLIN LIVE! at 10.30. but they started 15 minutes late! wanted to mosh but not in moshing attire. hahah..

Left before they played their last song. Then meet Wei Hao and Wei Jun to practice for Teacher's day performance.

Monday. Teacher's Day Performance, Wei Jun and me not were kinda nervous.

First song not so good, cause the guitar mic got some problems. But the second song good. I think the students and teachers like it.

I don't know what else to say. so yea bye. lol..

Don't walk to me

When there's no one left to walk to,

Don't come to me

When there's no place you can hide,

Don't play with me

When there's no one left to play with,

Don't come to me

If you got no one by your side,

And I don't need you anymore.

Part D's batch '09

The Part D '09 of Tanglin NCC Unit did this for me. So nice of them to give me sweet words and a thing for me to remember all the times we had together. It's been great working with them. One of the memories I wont forget.

Below are all their little messages and notes. =D

LING!

IZUWAN WAN WAN WANNN

Thank You!

**Alert! Below are ridiculous

words that yo might

not know, so beware

of jaws dropping!

FINALLY, im "graduated" from NCC & not under your evil clutches anymore. xD

FINALLY, no need to get headache over the cadets and your strictness! :X

ACTUALLY, I wanna thank you for your "strictness" which has disciplined me! :D

ACTUALLY, I know how much troubles we have given to you and sometimes you get super angry with us! :(

ANYWAY, I wanna say that it was you who had brought us so far and teaches us "things". :)

ANYWAY, you have to control your temper sometimes cause you are too SCARY when you flared up! =O

SO, continue to lead the Part Cs as long as you can & teach them! *I LOVE MY PART Cs, so don't bully them! "Add oil~Add oil~"

SO, continue to love your best friend & work together with him! "I don't needa see him anymore! ;D

*FYI, if you don't get what i have written, it's alright but keep your jaws close!

Jun Hao

IZUWAN!

Thank you for EVERYTHING that you have done for us!!

Xie Xie Terima Kasih

You are the wan(one)

1!!!

Done by: Jun Hao

Azmir

Izuwan! you're the only wan(one).....

I seriously don't know what to say but ..... Thank you for your time, effort and dedication towards the Tanglin NCC Unit. You have put in a lot of effort in trying to increase the standard of the unit. I believe that you have done your best. I appreciate your efforts and that event though you have scolded us, we had fun times together as a unit and that those memories will never be forgotten. :)

THANK YOU! Once again, you're the only wan(one)

From: Azmir

Intisar:

IZUWAN

OLA, how are you? Intisar here. I would like to thank you for the experience you've given us :)

Even though you scolded us at times, we still love you! Yeh-yeh! Thanks for the great memories too. I'll always treasure these memories and remember them. I can't and will not forget the day you shouted at ____. xD haha! It was scary but as i thought back, it's funny lah! hah. cause , I remembered Alysa said "he can run very fast" haha! funny right? mm. Okie lah, you take care and enjoy! Don't miss me! :)

XOXO, Intisar

Sock Leng:

THANK YOU!

FOR........

1) SPENDING TIME WITH US

2)TRAINING WITH US

3)SUPPORTING US

4)BEING A SIR TO US

5)GIVING US GOOD ADVICE

Kristoffer:

Yo! (I write big big in case your eye sight got problem) Thanks for all the godly good times and the minute times that we all had together. Have fun with the new specs and your "bestfriend" HAH!

Hafis:

Thank You for all your help and support. Without you NCC would not be fun and the specialist would not be............ hm...... Oh! be able to do their job well. Sir Izuwan, Obviously without you NCC would be boring

Hafis

p.s. I'm not a gay!

Alyssa:

Hello Sir!

Thanks for helping out out batch so much. You really went all out with the time and effort you put in and I appreciate it a lot. I don't think we would have done half as well without your guidance. I'll cherish all the memories we had; the good, the bad and the hilarious ones. Most of all, thanks for giving everyone in the unit a chance, even though some may take it for granted. Good luck with the new specialist and your "best friend"

And please don't listen to the asskissers(if any)

XOXO

Alyssa

P.S. You still owe me a penknife.

Farah:

Sir Izuwan! C:

I've got a yellow heart-shapped paper for you. Hee. Sweet right? xD Nolah kidding. Well, its a little note of appreciation for everything that you've done and taught of even give advise to us all. I'm sorry if I had not been a good cadet specialist back then but I'm so glad that I am part of the NCC member though I only joined in sec 2. C: Anyway, do take care and senyum-senyum selalu.

Farah

Wai Yee:

Firstly, A MAJOR BIG THANK YOU FOR THE PATIENCE YOU HAD GIVE US. I know there were times you almost wanted to die from being with us. Don't deny!

He have had so many memories together as a unit. From Part B(in my case) to part D. Remember ____'s 100m run? ;) It might be an unpleasant memory but HEY! After awhile it gets semi-funny, right? How about the birthday surprises? Remember how Faiz and Azmir were soaked to the max? :) AND , what about your OWN birthday surprise? YOU HAD FUN, DIDN'T YOU? HUH?!?! :D

Do you know that you were 3S to us? First, a specialist, then a senior, now a SIR whom we all have some to love and respect so much.

Imagine if you weren't our sir, and we were controlled by your best friend(!!!!!) Oh no, I'd have quited like eons ago. Then I might have to join St. Johns, cos obviously I can't go to BB. LOL.

So to sum things up, WE LUV YOU & KEEP KICKING ASS!

p/s. you may not light

purple, But I DO.

Live with it. :D

Wai Yee

2009

Hui Jie:

Izuwan

Thank you for guiding us through NCC. We had been through good and bad times together and this showed how bonded we are to you. (and not you best friend._.) Although it is only been a year, you have taught us many things that are very useful in out lives! Part D '09 will remember you for all the things you've done (and sacrifice?) for us. Good luck in your journey to become the best CLT! I wish you all the best in everything you do! YOU ARE THE BEST! :)

Huijie:)

Thank you ALL OF YOU! =D